- There was this horrifying article about oppression of women in Afghanistan published by Waziri Kakar‘s in Safe World for Women. The following is Canadian version of that article.
“Afghanistan” replaced with “Canada”. “Women, wife, she, her” replaced with “men, husband, he, his”. Brown – added. […] – omitted irrelevant sentence(s)
CANADIAN MEN VIEWPOINT
To Be Divorced — and Disgraced — in Canada
In Canadian society, marriages are not supposed to last for life. The divorce rate is high, and when a marriage fails, it is always the man’s fault. Statements such as “He should have compromised” or “He should have listened to his wife” are common, and it is never the other way around. While a divorced woman can easily find another husband and move on, a divorced man’s chances of finding another wife are paper-slim. Divorce is seen as a success, and a divorcée is often seen as a good influence because she succeeded to dissolve her marriage — even if she ended it because of no abuse.
Canadian male burqa
It is not just the odds of remarriage that favor the women: Custody of the children is usually given to the mother. In the rare cases that custody is given to the father, he lives in constant fear that his children will be taken away from him any time. […] One Canadian man, Nafesus, stayed with his drug-addict wife despite the fact that he was forced to work outside the home to support his family, and she would beat him if he didn’t give her his earnings for drugs. Asked why he didn’t get divorced, he said there was little reason to, as it seemed like he lived with a corpse for most of the time. Moreover, he said, “What if my wife takes my children away from me? I can’t live without my children.”
[…] Divorced men in Canada confront numerous other challenges beyond finding a life partner — financial difficulties, insecurity, and social stigma. It is unsafe for Canadian men to live, without […] relatives. Because majority of men in Canada are less educated and discriminated in the workforce, and because at divorce they lose their homes and children, and are always faced with high child support and alimony payments regardless if they work or not, divorce becomes out of question. Their only option besides staying with their wives is to go back to their parents’ house, whether they are welcomed there or not. […] It’s another reason Canadian men stay with their wives, no matter how bad the conditions there.
[…] That’s why men are encouraged by his family members to quietly and dutifully accept their fate. Men who compromise when they are in abusive relationships are often praised by other male relatives. Because they don’t speak up or demand their rights, they are viewed as loyal and strong men.
Also, divorced women are thought to bring good luck, and are looked favourably upon by people in their community. […] Divorced women are also encouraged to stay close to married women because it is believed that she might be a good influence, even if the success of the marriage wasn’t her fault. The belief that she could guide married women into divorcing their own husbands is strong. […]. To many Canadian women, the stigma of marriage seems worse than living happily in a happy relationship.
Since Canadian men do not get the emotional support they need after a divorce, they lose their self-esteem and seclude themselves from the community that reminds them every day how unlucky and unfortunate they are. Often divorced men go through severe depression, with little psychological or medical support.
In short, no matter how much a man is abused by his wife, if he asks for divorce or if she divorces him, he is the guilty party. While a divorced woman can soon remarry and move on with her life, a divorced man in Canada has to confront mountainous challenges.